Dear Abby, or Dr. Sears, or Editor, or Dr. Phil, or whoever will listen:
For the last week and a half my darling little 4-year old has been an absolute terror. If I tell her no, she starts to kick, hit, bite, yell, or throw things at me. The other day she stole the glasses from off my face. She does this at bedtime as well, most specifically RIGHT when we are trying to pray as a family. She kicks, fights, runs away, bugs her little sister: anything but what we're asking her to do. We've had the same routine for a year and a half, and she thrives on routines, but something is VERY wrong.
Last night we tried to leave the room until she calmed down, but she ended up banging on the door with her scooter. Once the scooter was removed, she tried library books on her bedroom door. After those were put away, she bit her sister on the arm. Hard. We finally abandoned the leave-her-in-her-room idea, and separated the kids. After another hour of trying to read to her, lie down with her so she'd stay in bed, ask her nicely to please close her eyes and hold her body still, she was still kicking around and doing everything she could to keep herself awake. We resorted to going for a drive. The 3-year-old fell asleep finally, but the 4-year-old?! OH, NO. And after 10:00 she was still asking for drinks, for anything, not settling down. My husband and I are tired. And we're tired of not seeing each other. And we're tired of getting hit, and kicked, and pinched. This has gone on EVERY night for the past week and a half. And it seems like all my kids do all day is hit and fight over toys and who runs the fastest. I'm getting tired of this. Is this just a phase, or is there SOMETHING I can do!?
HELP!!!
Sincerely,
Going crazy in Columbus
12 comments:
I'm not by far an expert but I just read a book that might help.
Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
You didn't really mention that this is a sibling rivalry problem but it could be. Regardless, this is a good book to help you communicate with your child, and it's an easy read, even with comic pictures! Those authors also wrote How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk which I haven't read but plan on.
Good luck! Hopefully it's a phase.
Heather, I have that book from the library sitting on my shelf. I'll have to give it a try. I just finished reading "Unconditional Parenting" by Alfie Kohn, and his take is that any kind of behavioral discipline is wrong: just use logic and talking things out. And there is usually a hidden reason behind action that you need to find out, and THAT will improve the behavior. Haven't gotten that to work yet....
I'm not much help. I feel like I stink at being a mom lately. UGH! But I do know that Jen says that Alliyah was the absolute hardest and worst at 4. I saw it first hand. Jen was totally in tears after a horrible episode at Thanksgiving point. So know that you're not alone. And at age 5 she got SO much better.
Oh, man. I'm so sorry! I hope it is just a phase and that it will end soon!
MAybe she just needs to play with Deva. Deva will do that sometimes as well and I go crazy. I am not really sure how I deal with it. HAng in there. The phases kids go through make it so hard because just when you think things are going well havoc breaks loose and ther goes the norm.
Oh WOW! Hire a babysitter and pay them good!!!! You need a night out with Eric so you can have a night off and let someone else handle it just for one night.
Here's an idea I got from a friend. I've never done it but it works for her kids... If she bites you, ask her if she wants to be bitten back and then bite HER to show her how much it really does hurt... I've never had the guts to do it but my kids aren't bitters.
I'm so sorry. Talking it out usually works for Cloey. Maybe buckle down and tell her that if she can stay in bed this one night then tomorrow she can have a drink. Don't give in. She knows she can get her own way...
I hope you have some success soon. Being a mother sure is tireing at times huh? You can do it! I know how awesome you are!!
Oh, Robyn I hope you get a date this weekend! I wish I had an answer for you. You are a wonderful mother though don't forget that!! Hopefully this is just a phase and will be over soon. Maybe a little mommy /Mierae date or Daddy/Mierae date would help??? Oh, and about my post- while I wrote that my kids adore each other BELIEVE ME there are definitely days and/or times that they are NOT friendly to each other! We miss you guys good luck!
That's SO hard, I'm sorry! I don't really have any advice but I hope things get easier soon!
Your girls are too cute to be so naughty. :)
You're not alone, I believe most kids go through this phase. Set your limits and be consistent. Yup, it's all about discipline.
This too shall pass. Love you all.
Mierae is going to LOVE this post when she's older. hee hee. Yesterday at church sacrament was dedicated to making me feel at home in sacrament meeting. ALL the speakers talked about how hard different phases their kids went through were. It was good for me to realize I wasn't alone.
I don't know if you're wanting advice of just venting, BUT when we went through this, we had to bring in a carseat for timeout, because it was NEVER going to happen otherwise. At first I felt like I was crazy putting my kids in a straight jacket, but they learned... we even moved the carseat to the bathroom so we didn't have to listen to them yelling (you have to have a big bathroom for this to work???) Good luck, you're doing great and those girls were sent to you for a reason. You are the BEST MOM they could have and they need you!!
oh that stinks. it takes us about 2 hrs a night to get calder in bed. we used to have a lock on the door and would just let her cry and finally go to bed. and trying to bribe her doesn't work, she just says she doesn't care. maybe it's a girl thing! are you going to go play at katie's tomorrow? i think we'll head over for a bit.
we're having the same problem. with two of them. claire is starting to grow out of it...i think...but Andrew? Oh MAN! And Peter is learning to hit from him! And Josh is beating kids up at school. I've been sobbing all evening. Hugs and Love to you!! I hope it gets better-and know that you're NOT alone--in more ways than one! Right?
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